Our Real and Imaginary Complexes are Not Complex

Re(a+bi) + Im(a+bi) = a + b

Sharif Hussain is a good man; a very good man. Born in Lachi, a thriving city of teeming millions. He hails from the academic and industrial center of Pakistan. In fact for Sharif Pakistan consisted of Lachi; the other 95 % population was not relevant to his life. These days he is resides in the city of lung cancer: Door-hum!

Sharif Hussain is often seen walking down Science Drive to campus. Same face, same expressions, and more often than not same clothes: Polyester pants rising about 5 inches above his ankles, purple socks, K-Mart sneakers, white shirt, (over navy blue vest), and an extra large “anorak” capped off by a ski-mask. An untrimmed and unruly mustache indicates how rough the semester has been, and the unshaven look to signal how busy life is these days. Some things never change: the sight of Sharif Hussain walking down Science Drive is one of them.

These days Sharif Hussain is a Ph.D. student at Fluke University, and that is where he has been since the last 7 years. He completed his B.Sc. Engineering from Moghalpura Institute of Technology, and took his O’ Levels and A’ Levels from St. Karanta High School.

Sharif is generally broke all the time. No wonder his friends call him the “Kangaal Bank of Pakistan”. Fluke has not committed itself to any financial support, so he has to go from one advisor to another begging for support every semester.

Due to lack of long term support from any one advisor, Sharif has worked with 5 different advisors but just can find a Ph.D. project for himself. He can’t help getting frustrated, and time and again his thoughts wander off to Masochist Institute of Technology. He grew up hearing the name MIT drummed into his ears all the time. Like most Pakistanis, it was either MIT or "a university in Amreeka". Now, he applies every year to EECS Department at MIT for Ph.D. in EE, and is rejected every year. This has been going on for 7 years now. Finally MIT decided to send him an application along with rejection letter every December. Application fee is not a problem: MIT has his account number and deducts $75 from his checking account on January 1st every year. Even after 7 years Sharif Hussain continues to apply. Sharif’s ambition is to return home and establish Sharif Hussain Institute of Technology along the lines of to compete with Masochist Institute of Technology (MIT).

These days, Sharif Hussain has been checking bags at the Parkinson’s library for seven years now. Now he can identify any person by their bag. His ability has reached a stage where he is occasionally seen circumnavigating a person and then identifying him by his before saying “Hello!” Such behavior does not help fight the impression most amreekans have about his preferences.

His other source of support is quite an honorable one. He tutors undergraduates in introductory calculus. As puzzled faces stare at him, he explains: "Daareewatav of a funkshaan is theee limaat of the diffayraance taken to infinightly issmall isstep." Unfortunately, most of his tutees do not return for second session, but then again he can generate enough first sessions to survive. As usual, these days, he has barely enough money to eat, and frequents the Hare Krishna's lungar to feed his stomach. Now and then, Sharif reminisces about the finger-licking food at his home in Pakistan. He has not been home for 5 years now because his visa has expired.

Oh that reminds me that Sharif Hussain is proud of only one achievement in his entire stay in the US: He still insists on eating Halal meat and takes extra care in all edible items. If you don’t know his name, he is the gai you see in grocery store intensely reading the ingredients on every time as if he is conducting research. He is the same guy you see with 20 Tuna Fish cans in his cart. He can’t afford to buy much else. Tuna Fish has taken its effects on Sharif over the years. His height has shrunk, so much so that people believe that he has been sandpapered by the amreekan society. His face has become more round, and his complexion has become a little darker. On the other hand his intellectual level has increased by leaps and bounds. He is the only non-Bengali whose IQ is greater than weight.

Sharif Hussain can vividly recall his first morning in the "land of opportunity", or perhaps more appropriately "land of khwari". He was just about through relieving himself of the morning ritual when he realized that there is no “lota” in the bathroom. Then he recalled that all his kafir roommates use paper. Yak! Paper! Na-pak people. After 15 minutes in deep thought, he finally resolved the problem at hand by old Tuna Fish cans. He congratulated on his excessive skills of deduction before discovering that he was unable to figure out how to turn on the tap. Well that is another story, and we will leave that for another time.

Sharif Hussain looked for a more permanent (efficient and capacious) solution to the “lota” problem. He had to find a genuine "lota". So, he went searching for a lota in Uncle Harry’s, down Ninth Street, all the way to downtown. None of the amreekans he encountered knew what he was looking for, and when he tried to explain they thought he was just pulling their leg, and laughed it off. One salesman took him rather seriously and led him to the toilet paper, only to hear him shriek: “Toilet paper is not my religion”. So, here he is sharing a one-bedroom apartment with three other foreign students. Fortunately, they have interleaving schedule to make it easy for them to optimize the limited space.

Sharif is highly respected by his relatives and friends back in Pakistan. He writes every detail to his to Pakistan. They were quite impressed when he told them he was learning the computer language "Lotus". Writing home is also a means of releasing his tensions. Once he was distressed by how slow and stupid amreekans are. It so happened that he went to Dr. Fine to discuss a problem he encountered in the algorithms course. Dr. Fine advised him: “I would read Knuth.” Sharif Hussain is still waiting on Dr. Fine to get back to him when he is through reading Knuth, unable to believe how slow the professor is. He questions basic "amreekan intelligence" by pointing out the slits (heating vents) he sees indoors on most floors for drainage: Whoever heard of it raining inside the building. Then even crazier are the drainage slits in the ceiling.

Sharif Hussain has learned to live one day at a time. He does not have many friends. When people first meet him, they dislike him; once they get to know him better, they hate him. He religiously reads the electronic news 2 hours every morning, and 1 hour each in the after and in the evening. He tries to look for any Pakistani girls on the net. If he finds one, he quickly sends them email essentially asking indirectly, or sometimes directly, "Are you looking for a husband? If so, I am available." Needless to say, he has become quite a conversation topic in the small circle of Pakistani lady students.

Sharif Hussain is a sharif gai. he hasn’t quite figured out amreekan girls. In accordance with the Quran, Sharif keeps his looks down on ground whenever a lady passes by. Most often this results in a cheap peek at legs: A sight he might miss back home. Occasionally he bumps into the passer-by whilst gazing at their legs. He has a good excuse for his guilt: "My niyyat was to follow the word of God and lower my gaze." Once an adventurous girl of rather questionable intentions, came up to him and asked, "Is it getting hot or is it just me." Sharif replied, "It is was below freezing since last month, I can’t go out without a ski-mask. And, then wherever I go, people avoid me."

Sharif knows that one day he would be returning to Pakistan, but for tonight he is going to stay here. He knows that one day there would be a woman he could call his own, but for tonight he was going to sleep alone. Today is 11th May 1990: Sharif’s twenty-ninth birthday. On his way to Roxboro Road for Juma, Sharif wonders how long life can continue this way. He questions how much more he can take. He decides to take a different route today. As he passes the 15-501 underpass, Sharif muscles an inconspicuous smile. In some ways Sharif Hussain is a lot like you, but then Sharif Hussain is a brave fellow; a lovable character; a good man; a very good man.

Disclaimer:


Any resemblance between Sharif Hussain and an actual person (living or studying) is purely intentional. However, Sharif Hussain himself is a fictitious character.

Acknowledgement:


All my friends and acquaintances who helped me develop the character of Sharif Hussain through valuable suggestions. Especially some people who do not want to hear thanks because I don’t have a “Sorry-Thank you” relationship with them.

Signed:

- DSQA

Kabhee hum tum bhee thay aashnaa, tumhaiN yaad ho kay naa yaad ho!